In the last decade or so, I have had to change my opinion and beliefs about certain things. I have had to unlearn and relearn, over and over again. And believe me when I say it is one of the most uncomfortable feelings in the world!
Anyway, I met this woman on Facebook. She was quiet and reserved, kind of like I am. But she was different. This woman always gave me audience, no matter what I had to say. She would make the time out to listen, and provide constructive feedback. She would speak objectively and without passing judgment. I always felt very comfortable with discussing anything with her. Oh, the qualities that I desire in a partner.
When she had a different opinion or thought I was wrong, she would not hesitate to state so. She hardly ever took things personally, while pointing out where she thought I was wrong. And she always did so without being judgmental. Okay, maybe being a lawyer helped with her choices of words and method of communication. She was always so apt.
But after sharing so much of my life with her, she started to catch feelings! Although she did not share as much of her life with me as I did with her, I too started to catch feelings! But being different people, we both had different approaches to handling this issue. And that leads to the eventual death of our friendship.
It is only normal to start to catch feelings for someone you share so much of your life with. After all, it is true that when people share more about themselves with each other, they become closer. And most people often get carried away here.
So I cautioned myself oh. “Kheme, because you are catching feelings for this woman, does not mean you two must be together. Do not get carried away!” I told myself.
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What Did I Do?
I took my own advice and kept my feelings in check. I could not allow these feelings ruin the good friendship we had. It is not all the time that “catching feelings” for someone means that you should be with them. Sometimes these things happen, you know. And it takes some level of emotional maturity not to get carried away, all the time.
What did I do? I did nothing! Okay, well, I did something. I acknowledged those feelings and addressed them. Then I put them aside and continued to be friends with this woman. But how did she handle it?
What Did She Do?
She decided to pull out!
The first time I noticed her withdrawal, I tried to bring it up. But she dismissed it saying it was nothing, giving me the impression that it was all in my head. Still, the distance between us grew wider and wider, and I could not understand why. I knew that we were no longer as close, but for no obvious reason.
After a while though, I asked her again. And that was when she opened up to me about catching feelings. She said that best way she knew to handle those feelings, was to pull out.
It broke my heart! It pissed me off! I was angry!
We talked about anything and everything, you know. But for some reason, we could not talk about catching feelings? I did not expect that from her: I was in shock! We could have talked about it, yea, and I do not know… may figure something out? But it was already too late by then. She had moved on. I calmed myself down and let her go.
That was the end… I never heard from Rita again!
So my question to you is this:
What do you do when you start to catch feelings for a member of the opposite sex? Ghost out on them? Tell them about it? Engage those feelings? If you have been in this situation before, how did you handle it?
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