So you met someone new and things seem to be moving well with them. But there is one question bugging your mind. How can you know if your love interest is “the one”?
One day I was trying to decide about a woman I had an interest in, and I got an epiphany! It became so clear why some women stood no chance with me, and why I stood no chance with some women. It was glaring!
So here I want to share some tests from my own experiences and observations. These are questions that seem simple, but that can reveal a lot about your prospect.
Here are four ways to know if someone you have an interest in, could be “the one” or not.
1. Are They Supportive?
In a situation of crisis, problem or mild emergency, do you feel confident about going to them for support? Are they one of the first people who come to mind?
It is important that your partner be able to support you in life’s journey. And by “support” I do not mean money. Besides money, what about emotional support? Spiritual support? What about psychological support and support in other key areas of life?
And so when the need arises, do you feel that you can rely on him or her for support, a solution or even an advice? If the answer is No or “not really” then they may “not really” be “the one”. Think about that for a moment.
It is also not enough to ask if they will support you in that relationship. If they are supportive, you would know it. How?
When in a situation of crisis or mild emergency, are they are one of the first people who come to mind? Do you find yourself running to them for help without thinking about it?
When someone has proven themselves reliable in the past, even your subconscious knows. You will want them around in times of emergency, even without realizing so. This is a good quality of a reliable partner. And if they are often dependable, then they might be the one.
Even so, do not confuse anyone who is available and willing to support, as a likely candidate. Sometimes God uses people to get us out of certain situations but we assume they must be “the one”. This is how we sometimes misunderstand the roles of people in our lives.
Years ago, I had this Facebook friend with whom I chatted every other day. One day she was in distress and I happened I be in a position to help. So as God would have it, I came to her rescue.
But from there on out, she changed! I could tell by the way she behaved towards me, calling me sweet names and calling me often. She was different, like I was now her boyfriend!
I showed support at a crucial point in her life and she somehow thought we should be together. I do not think that was why God placed me there at that time. I was only there to help.
There have been times when people showed me support at a dire time of need and I too found myself falling for them. But I often have to tell myself “Hey! Kheme! Do not get carried away! They only wanted to help!”.
If someone shows support, whether once or always, it does not then mean that you two belong together. No, it does not always work that way.
I know it can be difficult not to fall when someone is so supportive in times of need. But do not get carried away! These things happen, and do not mean that you two should be together.
2. Do They Challenge You Mentally?
Given nothing else but their words, can they drive you to the moon and back, mentally?
And no, I do not mean sexting or cyber sex. I am talking about conversation: good old stimulating conversation. And this is one aspect of relationships that people sometimes fail to consider.
This is how I see it…
Imagine you both are old and gray and cannot have great sex like you used to. When all the fun activities and adventures can no longer continue. Imagine when you can no longer do it all like the good old days. All you both will have left is conversation… Good old conversation!
So if you cannot hold interesting conversations with your love interest… think again! Chances are that they might not be “the one”. If there is no “mind sex” then you should reconsider. If you both cannot talk at a level where it feels like you had great sex, then think again.
You may not have these phenomenal conversations all the time. But it should happen often enough. Or how else can you keep the excitement going in each other’s absence, for instance? And when some people get bored, they get “physical” to kill time. But after that, what is next?
Some couples cannot talk for minutes at a time without moments of awkward silence. Do not get me wrong; silence is good. It gives you time to think about what to say next. But if more than half of your conversations are (awkward) silence, then think again. You might need to reconsider your love interest.
Would you rather be with a spouse you cannot have a conversation with, even after sex? Imagine after sex you have nothing else to talk about. So you turn to your mobile phone or social media, to someone else with whom you can actually have a conversation.
Or on your way from work, you have to spend time talking with the cab guy because it will be boring as hell at home. You have nothing to discuss with your spouse at home… your own spouse! And believe it or not, there are couples face this reality on a daily basis. I know, it sucks!
The absence of frequent interesting conversations is something to pay attention to. I means you both may start spending more time talking to other people, than to each other. Two people can only grow closer by conversation. So sooner or later, you both will grow apart in the absence of good conversation.
So watch out for how good the conversation is with that person you have an interested in. If they stimulate you by conversation, then you are in for an exciting relationship. They just could be the one.
3. Are They Unbiased About You?
Do they take you as you are, and you see who you really are?
I know this sounds like a rhetorical, so let me explain what I mean.
Unfortunately, life is not what it is. Life is what we think it is. Both the good and bad experiences we have had in the past, shape our present realities. And you need to understand that we do not see the world as it is, but through the eyes of our past experiences.
When someone looks at you as a man or woman, they see you the way they see other men or women in general. By default, most people will generalize about you and who you are, even your partner.
Do they think all men cheat? Do they think all women are materialistic? Do they think that men must shower them with gifts? Do they think all women are gold diggers? Do they think men want nothing but sex from women?
How people see the world is often how they will see you.
But despite how your love interest sees the world, they still see you for who you are, as you are. And if they do, irrespective of their past experiences, then they could be “the one”.
Think about this…
Some people think they have to put effort into becoming who their love interest desires. But the truth is that “the one” will already like you the way you are. And so any extra effort would be a bonus to them, rather than a possible “exchange” for their affection.
When they like you as you are, that makes the relationship lighter and easier for you both. That means you can be yourself and not worrying about certain things.
So that person you have an interested in might be “the one” if they take you as you are, despite their past experiences.
4. Do They Add Real Value To Your Life?
Do they add so much value to your life, that you cannot do without them? Have they changed your life so much that without them in it, life would feel less?
When you have no other option than to live with less, that is when you realize how little you can actually get by on. When little is all you can afford, you get to focus on the essentials. These are the things that really, truly matter.
When we considering what matters to us, we realize that all else is noise, waste or irrelevant. And what living with less have to do with knowing the one?
Can you think about one or two things you cannot do without? I am not talking about things you would rather not do without. I am talking about things without which your life will essentially be less.
Teachers or instructors are so valuable that no matter how much you dislike them, you still attend their classes. Drugs are so essential when we are sick that no matter how much we detest their taste, we still take them. A friend could mean so much to you that no matter how annoying they are, you still cannot do away with them.
Now let me ask you something about that love interest of yours…
If you knew you would never end up with them, would you still remain friends with them?
If your answer is a genuine Yes, then it means they add so much value to your life. And if they do, then there is a good chance that they could be “the one”. They are so valuable that you would rather remain friends with them, than not have them in your life at all. If that is correct, then you may have found the one.
But if your answer is a No, then they add no real value in your life. And why would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who has no real value in your life? If they never become yours as you desire, and you can do well without them, then they are most probably not “the one”.
I mean, who punishes themselves that way, anyway? No matter how angry you get, you cannot decide not to drink water anymore. You cannot just vex and say you will no longer earn a living. Or out of annoyance, you decide not ride the bus to work and walk twenty-seven kilometers instead.
So you get the point I am trying to make here. If they add value to your life that you would rather have them as a friend than not at all, then they just could be “the one”.
So ask yourself these four questions about your love interest. It could reveal whether they might be the one or not.
Your turn… what ways do you use to know if someone might be “the one”? What do you think about my methods?
Please share in the comments below. Thanks!