Should You Discuss Marriage Before Agreeing to a Relationship?

Someone shared this post in a Facebook group about relationships some time ago. Here’s what I think about introducing the topic of marriage just before agreeing to a relationship.

Personally, when it comes to asking, I believe you should do it as early as possible. That way, you get to know early enough whether you’re on the wrong bus or not.

If you’re afraid that popping the question will ruin things, then wouldn’t you want the ruin to happen earlier, rather than later after much time, emotions and what not, have been invested into the relationship? For me, it’s also like knowing your HIV (or any other deadly thing’s) status. I would rather know early enough so that I can start to remedy the situation early enough.

At first, I was going to say that you don’t even need to ask where the relationship is going, because it should be obvious. A relationship that has gone on long enough with no mention of a future together (I mean marriage), is obviously the wrong relationship… no?

It doesn’t matter whether he or she is thinking of some “unknown” time in the future. If someone genuinely intents to spend the rest of their lives with you, it is not something that can be hidden for long.

Even so, one has to be certain beyond doubt, that you really want to spend the rest of your life with this guy or girl, before even popping the question. I mean, you can’t talk about marriage with a guy you’ve been in a relationship with for 6 months, when you don’t understand jack about this guy!

If you’re convinced that you know and understand your partner well enough to want spend the rest of your life with them, convinced that you both can and will make each other happy, while living under the same roof without wanting to kill each other… then you should pop the question!

But talking about marriage when you barely know each other… that’s just naive, in my opinion. It reminds me of the woman that gave me an ultimatum saying we had been friends for too long (about 6 months) and that we were either in a relationship or not friends at all!

She said this just after when I realized that I didn’t really know who this woman was. I was just then considering getting to know her more when she gave me the ultimatum. The funniest part was that she didn’t even know what kind of women I was into! She didn’t understand me and I was barely getting to understand her as a woman. How then should we be talking about a relationship together when we barely know each other?

You want to talk about marriage when your barely know each other in the relationship? That isn’t the right time. When the time is right, you would know, trust me.

So, people ask “What is the point of a relationship, if not marriage?” as if you cant tell whether or not a relationship will work, from the day you meet, or even after 3 month. Maybe you can, but not everyone else has such special powers.

You shouldn’t be talking about marriage (in my opinion) until at least one of you is sure that they want to spend the rest of their lives with the other. If in the course of the relationship there has been no hint whatsoever about marriage, then you know it’s either not on their mind, or they’re just scared to bring it up. But it’s probably not on their mind lol.

My point is… one just really needs to know what they’re doing. I feel that it isn’t always necessary to ask explicitly whether a relationship will end in marriage or not, until at least one person is sure they’re ready. And if it will end in marriage, the “when” I also something to consider.

wedding-is-not-equal-to-marriage

Remember… here is a difference between a wedding and a marriage. A wedding is for a day and a marriage is for life. Some People love the idea of being married or having a wedding, but are actually not ready for the married life. And these are the kinds of people who usually start talking of marriage “early enough”. Like a girl who didn’t give me audience because I didn’t break the ice with a marriage proposal lol

 

Now it’s your turn… what’s your opinion about popping the big question? Please share in the comments section below.